Things I would like to tell my 16 year old self.

At the wizened age of 23, I now feel old enough to impart some wisdom unto my past self. 16 was a rough time for me - I was fat, had bad acne and was 99% sure that NO ONE WOULD EVER UNDERSTAND ME. Retrospect is a beautiful thing, but if I had a time machine, these are the things I would tell my 16 year old self.

1. Stop wanting to get your lip pierced. Or your nose. Or anything else that's on your face. You're raging at mum and dad just now, but they are right to stop you putting holes in your face. One day you will tell them this. They will be shocked.

2. Don't get a full fringe, like ever. You will make this mistake a couple of times, and it is a MISTAKE. You have a rotund face and chin chub - a full fringe will only exacerbate this.

3. Don't drink red wine. It will never stop tasting like vinegar and it will never stop making you spew everywhere. It doesn't make you look sophisticated, more that you've had too much Ribena so your lips are all purple and gross.

4. It's okay to like music out with the narrow parameters that you have set yourself.

5. Life gets so much better after you leave school and turn 18. Keep your chin up, kid.

6. STOP EATING SO MUCH. It's not your metabolism, or some sort of genetic quirk. You're just greedy. Also don't expect to ever fully conquer this.

7. Acne doesn't stop when you start getting wrinkles. I know, I'm seething about it as well. WHERE IS THE JUSTICE? Take comfort from the fact that you will get better at applying make-up. On that note, stop wearing mum's foundation. You look a hideous shade of orange.

8. Don't dwell on arguments with people. You probably won't even speak to them in a few years. If they're your real friends, they'll stick around.

9. Stop trying to impress people. Be yourself - you're pretty great. On that note, your paralysing self-doubt will morph into a pretty healthy ego in a few years. Maybe a bit too healthy.

10. Sarcasm is always funny, despite what people will tell you.

11. Appreciate your youth, and the lack of extreme hangovers. This time is fleeting, enjoy it. It may also be useful to note that skipping dinner is never a good idea, regardless of how skint you are. I'm still working on this one too.

12. What you're feeling isn't unique; it's universal. Get over yourself and stop wallowing.

13. Trust your instincts about people - you're rarely wrong.